I am feeling [Depressed, Miserable, Lonely]

Everytime I come to blogging how Im feeling I can never do it. I just cant start it. So excuse me if this is all a bit rambly and nonsensical.

I really dislike my father sometimes.

For the way he behaves and the things he does...and doesnt do.

He just makes my mums life so miserable sometimes.

Despite the happy-families front we put up for everyone outside a week doesnt seem to go by without an argument between them.

Mum came home really upset today and began telling me about the argument they had at work.

I sat there drying her tears and listening to her whilst thinking why on earth he is the way he is. I know he works so hard and is so tired all the time, but everyone is stressed, especially mum, and no one acts the way he does.

He never appreciates anything she does for him, even though she raised both of his children single handedly, managed the whole rebuilding of our house (subsidence problems), manages the entire financial side of the business, works for the business and attends another job.

She does everything. And he doesnt see any of it. He doesnt see how lucky he is.

And he says some really hurtful things.

I'll be here for hours if I try to explain it all.

Im worried about the long-term situation for them.
Despite my sister and I having grown up telling them to divorce we know thats not a solution they are willing to accept.
(A - because of the financial complications, B - being in Indian society, C - her knowing that he wouldnt be able to survive without her.)

Whilst she was telling me everything my mum said, that I'd be okay because I am going off to London, and my sister is going to get married, and that she has no one.

And it hurt me because its true. She is my best friend in the whole world. And theres nothing I can do to help her. We have been through so much together, and this year I will leave her and go.

My father is a nice guy, and he is hardworking and I do appreciate him. But we have never been close. For the first 13 years of my life I hardly saw him. That wasnt his fault, but youd think hed want to catch up on all that over the next 5 years.
During the whole 18 years of my life, and Im not exagerating here, I think we've only had 2 conversations.
He never asks me what Im doing, or how Im feeling, how my day was, what im into. I bet he doesnt even know what subjects im taking.

My mum tried to explain to me that he never had any emotion shown to him when he grew up so how was he supposed to give any, but thats a whole load of rubbish. You learn from what you dont have and give that to your wife and children.
Thats what being a husband and father is all about.
Id never treat my wife or children like this.

I still respect him for everything he does for us, and because my mum brought me up to do so, but respect is earnt, and he certainly is not earning it.

I will always be there for my family, a shoulder to cry on, but Im tired of the pressure, and the maturity and of putting on a brave face.
I miss having someone of my own to turn to for support and to cry on.

Sometimes I feel like climbing under my duvet in my bed, where I feel safe and secure and crying.