Im frustrated.
There was a point when I loved blogging. When I loved my blog.
In the honeymoon period when I had recently discovered the blogging world and all it was about.
When I was impressed by certain other peoples blogs, because they were shiny and new to me, and indirectly introduced me to Flickr, blogger features, tips and tricks, other blogs, geek-chic, and general web-ness.
But im dissappointed with ObscureAzure (especially as im currently viewing it in IE as a pose to Firefox and it looks awful - I urge you to get Firefox!).
Im dissappointed because this isn't what I aimed for.
ObAz was meant to be where an anonymous voice could splurge every thought and personal feeling and desire.
But alas, fear of the real world mixing with the blog world put a restraint upon the voice. Even now im refraining from "marketing" the mind/life behind the blog.
And this isn't what I dreamed of.
Looking at all the sexy pretty lil blogs out their with their proffessional layouts and flash intro's . Thats what I wanted, but not what I can make. Even if I had the time to learn (I would like to) I dont think there is much point.
This blog doesnt have the audience that I imagined it would. I value you regular readers, but I could count you on one hand.
And the reason behind that is probably because I cant be as open as Id like to be. Well not yet anyway. (And what if I always keep saying "not yet"?)
And another reason is becuase most blogs, well this on anyway, is about my life. And my life at the moment is not very interesting.
Again, im feeling trapped.
What I saw in a certain other person's (who I dont think reads this blog) blogs/life is what I want now.
I know im wanting to grow up to fast and that I shouldnt.
And I know that I have all that to come, the independance, the freedom, the uni life, the growing up more, the becoming an adult, the meeting new people, the degree, the jobs...LIFE!
So what am I worrying and frustrated about?
(Wow! - that was a surprisingly "open" post.)
posted by Azuric @ 6:15 pm
7 Comments:
At 12:07 am,
Anyhoo said…
Copycat.
And in the spirit of unleashing inner thoughts, I'll set free my inner pedant: it's "opposed to" not "a pose to". While I'm at it, unnecessary quote marks round "words"; not good, because it's used as shorthand for sarcasm, negation or similar, e.g. He "said" he'd do it means he probably won't do it, rather than he will. But someone I know has a tendency to put quotes round every verb, which gets wearing, especially if I have to explain why it's a really bad idea.
Sorry.
Why can't you blog about what you want to blog about? Are you worried about who reads this, or may read this?
BTW, there are obviously things I leave out, and often it annoys me that I do, but if I'm comprehensive in my coverage then I'd have to split the content to retain some anonymity, and it's only through being able to post on [nearly] anything and everything that I can keep some semblance of regularity. Which basically means I haven't figured it out yet either; who'da thunk it?
And who is the "certain other person", with what sounds like an interesting blog? Simply because I want to know if I'm missing something good.
At 4:13 pm,
Azuric said…
:-P
And thanks, for ages I've never known if "a pose to" was right - even my English teacher corrected me incorrectly.
Yes, it's a (probably irrational) fear of real world discovering Azuric.
And no (OMG! Brain meltdown - I just typed that as And know), you're not missing said person.
But, im not giving up. I remember what another person (ehem, Mr Way ehem) told me when I first started, about persistence being the key.
All this boils down to is not being able to be myself, both in the real world, and on my blog. With a twist of current boredom with life.
And thats one stale broth.
At 8:37 pm,
Anyhoo said…
But it is within your power to be yourself on your blog (and your life, but the blog might have fewer repercussions). You said it was irrational; be rational. At the moment you have to put effort into not being you.
Any attempt at suggesting reciprocity will either be met with a stare cooler than 0K (er, that's supposed to be zero Kelvin, but it doesn't quite look like that) or will be ignored. I give advice. I can only problem solve when it's other people's problems.
Your English teacher got it wrong? That's as bad as one of mine asking if I meant atheists when I wrote "aesthetics". She had to look up what it meant.
And yes, no/now/know are very easy to confuse when typing.
At 10:51 pm,
Azuric said…
Yeah I know, your right.
:-p thats not fair. And wouldn't it have been easier to say absolute zero?
WV: tpoiba
At 8:37 am,
Rob7534 said…
Is absolute zero even attainable? Can we stop the movement of atoms?
Anyway babe, be yourself. Write what you want, what you feel, when you like. Just update regularly.
I don't know what's going on in your personal life, and keeping your anonymity is important for many reasons besides your immediate friends/family finding you. There's a big world out there, and lots of crazies!
I'm still pretty anonymous, althought they made me post a pic a long while ago. Peer pressure, I thought I should have been immune to it by now.
My blog functions alot like a silent therapist. After I write something, I always want to edit it, and delete it, for fear of feeling too exposed. But I rather enjoy that feeling now. Risk taker? Maybe... foolish? More likely, but it makes me happy on some level.
And so I will continue.
I also love stumbling across new blogs that cover exotic topics. I use other blogger's blog roll quite often.
Varity & Spice of life as the saying goes.
At 9:26 pm,
Anyhoo said…
But I hadn't quite controlled my inner pendant by then, and as 0K is what was thought to be absolute zero until they got more data and found it was actually colder, then something can be cooler than 0K, but not than absolute zero ('cept I think they actually shifted the whole scale so 0oC = 273.15K, so this is rubbish anyway, so yes, I could just have typed absolute zero and been wrong. Look I was tired and my logic tends to go if I've not remembered to eat [yet again]).
Is absolute zero even attainable? Can we stop the movement of atoms?
Yes. No. You forgot the third question: how can we tell when something is at absolute zero?
WV:Wyasp
At 8:39 am,
Rob7534 said…
Good question Anyhoo! But I didn't forget it, I didn't have the where with all to even formulate it!
I'm public school!
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