The Really Long Post

Friday - Tired and worn down, mentally, physically, and emotionally:

Wow.

Just one to go. On Monday. And then it will all be over.

And not just exams, school life altogether will be coming to a close.
The end of an era.

I am so so very tired and sleep deprived, and my brain is all over the place.
My words are slurring and no doubt there will be several typing errors in this post once I give up trying to correct them.

The Last Biology exam was today.
I don't think I've ever been so panicked or have crammed so hard for an exam before.
I left the revision till three days before the exam because Biology is my strongest subject and I had to give priority to Chemistry.
So as a result, there were late nights, failed 3 am starts, actual head aches and even nausia.

It went okay.
Which means I answered every question.
However, whether I wrote what they were looking for is another thing.
Thats the annoying thing about Biology, you can ramble on passionately about anything and everything because the questions are so vague, and you have to to get the marks.

And it's really annoying when people tell me I have no reason to worry because I did so well last year and blah blah blah.
If I want to worry then I will.
And I have both reason and a right to if im still learning one sixth of the module for the first time on the morning of the exam and have done only one practice paper so far.
Im not asking for your oppinion, so go away.

Today when I got home I cleaned my room, and had a little exam detox if you will.
I went through all my files and folders and threw out all my old notes, which I shall no longer be needing.
The pile was so high, almost up to my bed.
Okay so there was a Manchester Prospectus in there but still.
I don't know what Im going to do with my books. I was thinking of selling them on eBay, but something tells me there's not exactly going to be a demand for them.

I also found a 6th Form prospectus in the depths of crap that had accumulated, and besides thinking "Oh I remember her" and "he was such a knob", I realised that it seems like only yesterday that I started the 6th form.
Two years has just flown by, and next week will be my leavers service!

This post is meant to be really long because there has been a lot I have been thinking about/feeling over the past few days.
Most probably its stress from exams, emotional build-up and general frustration.

I've begun job-hunting also.
I want to work really hard over the next 2 months to be able to afford a Laptop and loads of new clothes. I may even try and get a job in the evenings a few days a week.
I want to work as a sales assistant in retail.
Everything else just seems boring.
I gave in my CV at a bank but it would be so dull compared to working in a High Street outlet.

I had a slump in self confidence a few days ago although it seems to have disappeared now.
I think its just a result of being stuck at home, revising, and being and feeling trampy.

Call me shallow, but I have my insecurities, and Im not 100% happy about my self/body.
Because Im a small build and don't look like the guy in the Hugo Boss In Motion Advert, but want to. (As Im sure most guys do)
And I know Im average height, and build is limited by genetics so I won't ever be like that and Im still growing and most of that can be achieved by hard work in the gym and all but still.


Saturday - rested, happy, more confident:

I had to write this over 2 days as I was just so tired yesterday.
Funnily enough, my mood has changed since.

I went for a run the other day.

I was feeling a bit "bleughh" and wanted to get out of the house and do something that would benefit my body and mind. Yay for endorphins!
It worked as well.
I felt much better and want to make it a regular thing, although I pushed myself quite hard and my legs were aching for the next few days.

Call me shallow again but Im also feeling a little better because Im going shopping on Monday and my sister is taking me to Birmingham on Saturday. *Makes embarrassed face*
What?! Its called retail therapy!

I re-jigged my room this morning.
After having de-cackified it and throwing away 3 bags of old notes and papers yesterday, I removed my OLD computer I had in here and replaced it with the NEW computer that my sister bought a while ago.
It has a TV tuner in it also which means I could remove the chunky TV I had. Then I moved my HI-FI from the low bookshelf infront of the windows to where the TV was.

It looks so much better now because all that used to be so in-your-face and now I have an un-cluttered window and "minimalist" surfaces, and much more light!
It looks proper "pimped-out", like the perfect teenage boys crib.

I cant remember what else I wanted to write so Im going to leave it there.

Bye.