New year. New leaf.

I'm feeling more positive.

I think/hope /feel I'm making a break-through.

And I'm also going away for a while.

Bye.

God I'm having Desi withdrawal symptoms.

I've been listening to the 'desi beats' on my iRiver all afternoon but its so old. I'm so out of the loop. Need to get some new asian-influenced music and soon.

I don't miss home but miss the indian environment.
Maybe it's because I've not seen family in quite a while and also the little things are not surrounding me anymore, like having Star Plus and Sabras radio.
Which is really silly, because I live in London - there are plenty of Asian radio stations and Southall is not that far away (even though it so doesn't compare to Melton Road), it's still, as the guy from Goodness Gracious Me would say, "Indian!".

Eugh, and the Hindu calendar has gone quiet now until Holi next spring.

Okay readers, I need to share some issues.

This post will make no sense to most and appear "obscure" at points but for those that know me, you should be able to keep up.

Basically I've had a realisation...its about relationships, but before you roll your eyes and yawn, just read.

I have to admit that everytime I feel lonely and long for a relationship/someone to be with, it's only one half of me (if you know what I mean), and it's almost always that type of relationship.
Maybe it's because that's the only type of relationship I've properly kind-of had experience of and it was all at such an emotional time, and now that I've had it, I have something to miss - and long to have something like it back.

The other half (the "normal" half, if you want to be extremely un-PC) of me decided that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now, and just wanted to enjoy life and see where things go and what destiny brings.
Which is bad I guess because only when I experience this (normal) kind of relationship will I know whether it can compare to that kind of relationship and whether I'll stop missing it.

I've lost you haven't I?

I woke up on Sunday morning, really happy - when I wrote the Christmas post - but that was because of something I did on Saturday night which I really shouldn't have done.
Something which only temporarily filled the void and gave me a false sense of happiness.
As soon as I realised it had worn off I became quite depressed - thinking about my situation and how it was so hard to be this way, that I hadn't asked for it, and the rest of it.

Luckily a phone call from the best sister in the world at just the right time helped me to sort myself out and I was fine after that.
But what that conversation did do is push me/remind me of the "normal" side and of this girl I like...which is why I ended up at a club last night.
That night was so much fun, especially as I ended up dancing with her, and even grinding too.

Unfortunately I somehow bought more people drinks than I recieved that night and so had no money left to buy her a drink and then a (male) friend of hers asked her to come to the bar and after that I lost her.
Bummer.
She was looking for me though, but after giving up looking for her I left with my friends.

The thing is, I really enjoyed that, it was so much fun.

But...I still don't know if I want to persue things now. I just texted her and last night I asked her for coffee, to which she agreed, but I don't have a drive to persue it.

But what happens, if say I get into a "normal" relationship and still I have certain feelings, what if (to put it in such a horrible way) I'm not satisfied?

The trouble is, I don't know which half of my life I want to lead.

But then again, why am I seperating life into halves? Can't both halves be lived together in one "abonormal" lifestyle?

Hmmmm...

Gooooood morning all!

I'm in a very happy mood this fine Sunday. I can't believe I'm just about to open the 3rd door on my (not so) Advent calendar.

The sun is shining through my window, Christmas songs are playing, life is goooood.

It's December.
Can you believe it?
The 12th month of the year!

In 12 days I'm jetting off to Hong Kong.
And soon after that it will be Christmas!

Also I have heard rumours that Christmas is being done at our house this year! How great is that. Every year, CKs family and my family do christmas together, and we alternate between houses each year. It was meant to be our house this year but up until today it had been decided
by the mums that it would be at CK's house.
I don't think I was meant to know because CK told me on MSN and I rang my mum excitedly to confirm but she was being really vague and was just like oh nothings been decided blah blah blah.

That will be so cool. I don't care how late it is when I get back from HK or how jet-lagged I am, as soon as I dump my bags in the hallway, that Christmas tree is going up!

Oh the weather outside is frightful, and the fire is so delightful, and since we've no place to go...

My my, what a day...

God I swear I've been all over London today, my feet are so sore.

I had arranged to meet my cousin, CD, in Notting Hill today to go to a designer secret sample sale just off Portobello road at 1pm and so ended up there just after midday.
The sale was crap - there was nothing nice and anything that I'd remotely consider wearing was like a million pounds even with discount. Think I'll stick to my student-friendly High Street shops thank you very much.
And the people there were so up themselves. Get over yourselves you art school drop-outs.

So after that we browsed around Portobello market and wow how nice is Westbourne Grove!
By this time we were quite hungry so went to Nando's just by Notting Hill Gate station and at about half 3 I said goodbye to her at the station and began my walk down Kensington Church Street home.
I can't believe how close everywhere is to me, I'm in such a nice location. No more pointless tube journeys, plus overground is so much nicer, cheaper, and easier. Plus I get to know my area better.

After leaving her I went to H&M on Kensington High Street to get that hoody that I foolishly didn't buy the other day. They didn't have any left in my size (because it's so damn popular) and so as I had absolutely nothing to do I decided to walk to the store in Knighstbridge.
They also didn't have it (I was really pissed-off to find this out) and had also sold out of my size in this V-neck red merino wool jumper that I wanted. How dissappointing.
I bought the grey blazer though because it is really nice and things like that you can wear all year round.
I left there and was adamant that I wouldn't be defeated so made my way to Regents St. which is where I almost bought the hoody the first time.

Bloody hell how packed is Oxford St. at this time of year. And the police were trying to open the road and so force everyone on to the pavement even though there was no space whatsoever. Maybe this is why people do their Christmas shopping in July.
As I was passing the TopShop/Man flagship store I could have sworn it was snowing, but the snow was falling just over that building and nowhere else.
Either Santa is trying to tell me something or they have one sweet idea for Christmas decorations...

Anyway, that H&M had it, but again not in my size! Stupid Size Small stylish londoners.
After asking if they were going to get any more the sales assistant suggested I try their Covent Garden store.
I'm stubborn. If I want something, I try my very best to get it. Some may say that's a bad quality. Some may say it's drive/determination/ambition/motivation etc.
I don't care, off I was to Covent Garden.

There, at the very back of the store they had it. The first on the rack was a M, the second was a L and the third? Well, third time lucky!

They'd also sold out of the Small size in that red jumper, and only had blue left in my size.

The lessons learned from this:
1) If you like it, buy it!
2) Never go to H&M with me.

I think the Knightsbridge and Covent Garden stores are the only 2 in London that have all the Menswear sections that H&M do.

So there you have it, everything you ever wanted to know about Hennes, by and obsessive.

On the way back I randomly ended up in the middle of Soho. I'd done all of this without an A-Z by the way as I'd forgotten it in my room.
I was walking down Old Compton St, and then Brewer St. but I didn't find an alleyway that was funny. At least I don't think I did. (Private Joke)
Finally I managed to get back to Regents St. (big mistake) and managed to weave my way through the crowd to the underground!

And now, I'm very tired and will probably do a little work before I climb into bed and get some much loved sleeeeep.